


Guilt

by FamRoyalty



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Guilt, No beta--anyone intersted?, No happy ending--we die like men, POV Second Person, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15888615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FamRoyalty/pseuds/FamRoyalty
Summary: Mary Watson + Guilt





	Guilt

1.

You, Mary "Watson", are good friends with Guilt. It's like death, a fine perfume that lingers and stays into your bones. 

It is an old friend, holding your hand, and whispering in your ear. You are no saint. You knew since a child that the world held no mercy. 

Your first dance with Guilt, it was a small tease. Because Guilt is an all consuming storm that wrecks, leaving only an echo no matter how much you shake and claw. 

But you, Rosamumd Mary, are a simple naive child, who likes pink and chases butterflies. You have a vague idea of what true guilt is, the one when your hands drip with blood and so slick as you struggle to grasp what happened-- 

Your guilt is the one when your hand is stuck in the had of cookies. You found a small kitten, fragile and sick, you fed it and found time to keep the small thing alive. You forgot about the dog, a big thing, that lived down the street with the mean lady. 

You found it dead. 

This is the first time you feel guilt, and you quickly forgot about it in later years, it wasn't until one of your last moments, why that cat found its way to your conscious.

2.

When you found, or how they see it, A.G.R.A, your guilt had already taken shape. You had climbed and clawed, snarled your attitude and had taken too much to give too little. 

When you found this strange team, the four of you had already made a name for themselves. Alex, Gabriel, Ajay. You never really sought them out at first, distance between them will make it easier for everyone in the party. 

But over time, and blood and so much war, you learned that these men will be the death of you. Because you stripped bare into the void you could no longer escape. 

Life wasn't easy. But you were the best of them and that was enough. You had them and they had you.

3.

When that fateful day dawns, you never thought you would hate as much as you did. Because, it went all south. You followed through-- of course you did-- but in the end it did not soften the blow. 

The blow of the fear biting as you claw at your scalp to keep these thoughts away. There is blood under your fingertips and before you know it you are burning like the dying star, and you don't know how to mourn. So you run.

4.

You weren't planning on falling. Running, oh yes. But falling from your high perch, the safety net that you knew nothing could know of what you did, you _fell_. 

For that soldier that never really returned. He's burned and broken in more ways than one, and he is the one with the golden heart. Sure, a complete ass sometimes, but this ass will always come back and bounce from whatever.

So you could taste the bile behind your throat as you first kissed him. 

You could feel your skin crawling in self-disgust, as you first fall into bed. 

And you are a selfish being, you realize. Because John is a saint sent from the Heavens to be cast in this unholy land of the mortals. And his lips taste of redemption and you cannot help but fall.

5.

Your daughter is _beautiful_.

When Sherlock came back from the dead, and seeing John so angry and so unlike himself, you almost felt guilt for something you didn't even do. 

But those thoughts are behind you as you see the little bundle of flesh and soft bones, yet they carry the most precious thing in the world. No, in the Galaxy. 

Because she is this small little thing, too small for such a big world, and now you are thinking of so many ways to kill someone who dares looks at her wrong.

Her eyes are watery, but so bright. 

Yes, she loves her daughter. She is all happy thoughts one would think of sunrises and sunsets.

6.

When the past finally came back for vengeance, you weren't all that surprised. You knew, in some way, in some form, it will always come back.

But what truly threw you off, was the fact that _he_ survived.

He, being the man who you shared your meals with and always had some form of sarcastic response. The comedian. Even if sometimes it didn't look like it.

And the illusion who held yourself in shatters, because you know the past never seems content in leaving behind broken dolls.

So, begins the journey of running away.

7.

They find you. Somehow, somewhere they find you. And they bring you back, not all happy, but you and John and Sherlock are alive and for now that is all that matters.

8.

It seems oddly fitting you die at the hands of your past. Almost the personification of Guilt, the only old friend that never seems to leave you, and now as you may bleeding on the floor, seeing so many shades of blue that remind you of your daughter--

You look at your husband's eyes, and wonder what will happen to the man you love.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey thanks for watching, kids!


End file.
